just the normal noises

Well, at long last, the call has gone out for talent to perform along the route of the upcoming Rock & Roll Marathon, a huge, internationally known traveling event for runners which fancies itself hipper than most other similar endeavors, and which is coming to Savannah in a few months. The organization which promotes this charitable athletic happening supposedly has locked the city in as its destination for at least the next couple of years.

This is a MAJOR boost to the local economy, and a real feather in the cap of our local tourism industry. I’m excited to see that we snagged it, and hope it is a tremendous success all around.

That said, for an organization which bases its whole marketing strategy around the idea that cool, rocking bands and/or solo artists play live music all along the marathon route to entertain the entrants and the spectators, it’s pretty shameful that they seem to have fallen back on the time-honored tradition of screwing over professional musicians.

It seems that while they will “consider” compensating the bands who are booked to perform, they openly state on their website that priority status will be given to acts which agree to play completely for free. 

Details on this can be found here.

Read between the lines and you’ll quickly understand that means that virtually no one who is “lucky” enough to get signed to appear at this marathon (save, perhaps the somewhat famous “headliners” who’ll appear at the finish line) will be paid a dime for their time, talent, travel and hard work.

Taking advantage of artists and performers who are so desperate for public exposure that they’re willing to give away everything they have is the oldest trick in the book.

It’s a lame, chintzy philosophy that pervades the sort of conference table board meetings where big-time fundraising events like this are hatched.

You can practically hear the organizers chuckling to one another about how they don’t have to even budget any money for the very performers who make this a “Rock & Roll” marathon. 

“They’ll be lined up to do it for free,” one says. “No, seriously. Just you wait and see!”

The fact that the ultimate proceeds are earmarked for a charitable cause is merely the icing on the shuck-and-jive cake. Who wants to look like a greedy chump for demanding they be paid for their work in the service of a charitable fundraiser?

Well, most people.

Now, I know there will be tons of volunteers helping with this event - as there should be. But when it comes to deeply specialized craftspeople, tradesmen or administrators, would the folks in charge of this big to-do actually have the nerve to assume they’d all work for free?

Do you think the owners of the Rock & Roll Marathon company (and it is a for-profit company) get the best and brightest job applicants for key positions in their organization by giving priority to those who don’t have enough self-respect to ask for a decent salary?

Do you think they’re expecting giant insurance companies who provide them with millions of dollars in liability coverage to wave their premiums?

Do you think the hoteliers who are housing the tens of thousands of folks who Savannah expects to come to town for this event are giving away rooms?

Will the restaurants where these runners, their families, the spectators, sports journalists and out of town musicians will be eating for several days be giving away their food and drinks?

Will the waiters who wait on these people hand their paychecks back to their bosses at the end of the week with a softly whispered “that won’t be necessary,” and a chiming twinkle from their shiny white molars?

How about the people who will be asked to provide the whopping 25 (!) stages along the route, not to mention the PA gear and professional sound engineers to run all of it.

Are they bringing their hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of staging, amps, mixing boards, mics and cables for free?

Will the specialized booking agency that has been HIRED by the Rock & Roll Marathon organizers to wade through the scores of musical applicants and decide which ones get these coveted slots do so out of the goodness of their own hearts?

Of course not.

So why should it be assumed that talented, captivating musicians offer to work for free (and perhaps even travel here, spending money on gas, food and lodging to do so)?

Because so many people still think that if you “play” music, it’s not really “working.”

On behalf of those who make all or most of their income from entertaining others by playing live music, allow me to state unequivocally that it is most definitely hard work.

It’s a job.

It’s my job.

And I’m more than happy to give you a cut rate if it’s in service of a cause I support. Hell, I might even offer to work for free if the spirit moves me. It’s been known to happen many a time.

But don’t assume we all will, or worse yet, SHOULD.

It’s horribly insulting. Especially for an organization that is likely raking in MILLIONS from this entire production.

The amount needed to pay a fair wage to professional musicians is a tiny chunk of that at best.

Now, will there be scores of musicians who line up and beg to play this event for free? Sure. And it’s their prerogative.

But so many of them will unknowingly do so because they have never properly learned the object-lesson that Patti Smith elucidated so eloquently in her landmark 1975 single “Piss Factory.”

Listen, if you’re a working musician out there and you’re reading this and you think to yourself, “Screw that guy. I don’t do art for money. That’s selling out. I play for the people,” fine. I dig it.

Just don’t let your convictions lower the bar for the rest of us who do it for the art, the people, AND to keep the lights on!

As a general principle, talented musicians with a worthwhile product to display should not play for free.

If fair compensation is offered, they should graciously take it, and if it is not, they should demand it. If they don’t need it or have strong convictions against accepting it, they should turn right around and donate it to their charitable cause of their choosing.

That way, the next hardworking musician that comes along doesn’t get passed over for a job because a club owner or Rock & Roll Marathon organizer knows he can just get somebody else to do it for free.

Natural facts.

UPDATE:

I’m told that the organizers of the Rock & Roll Marathon are boasting that approximately 23,000 people will be registered to run in the Savannah event.

The current registration fee is $115 per person.

DIG: If the organizer set aside a measly $1.50 from each runner to go into a fund to pay the live musicians ***who actually set their event apart from every other charity marathon in the USA***, that painless act would instantly generate enough cash to pay each and every one of the 40 bands $862.50 each for their hard work.

Break that down. It means EACH RUNNER WOULD BE PAYING EACH BAND LESS THAN FOUR CENTS TO PERFORM FOR THEM.

Think about it. If each band has an average of four members, that means each runner pays each musician ONE PENNY to rock out in the elements for their entertainment.

Just how greedy and cheap do the organizers look now?

I am officially calling for the organizers of the Rock & Roll Marathon to divert $1.50 from each runner’s registration fees to be divided equally among all 40 musical acts who will perform on the 25 stages along the marathon route during their Savannah event.

Since the very nature of playing along such a route almost negates the notion of a band or artist being responsible for “draw,” such a remuneration plan would level the playing field among musicians vying for these 40 spots, and instantly make the quality and suitability of their music the only criteria for inclusion.

Who’s with me on this?

My friend and fellow Savannah commentator Bill Dawers has a post up on his blog regarding what he views as surprisingly high ticket prices for the just-announced Veterans Day concert by John Cougar Mellencamp at the Johnny Mercer Theater.

Bill felt the pricing structure of this show was too rich for his blood, as it is for mine as well. I am playing a gig that night myself, but if I were not otherwise engaged, I’d skip this show at those rates too.

I’ve seen Mellencamp before, and, truth be told, I left the event with MUCH more respect for him as a stage performer and songwriter than I’d ever had before (but significantly less for him as a person, as a result of the demeaning way in which he treated his AMAZING bandmates, who were busting their asses for the expressed purpose of making him look good).

Bill found an odd dichotomy in the way the generally perceived image of JCM as some sort of “man of the people” or “salt of the earth” character failed to jibe with the pretty damn high price he was asking for a show that’s taking place in what he often refers to as his adopted hometown.

However, to those who have followed his career since he first (didn’t quite) burst on the scene as a makeup-wearing glam rocker (in a sort of Stacey Keach-meets-David Bowie mold under the flat-out cringeworthy stage name “Little Johnny Cougar”) he has always played the role of being a friend to the little man with simple wants, needs and desires: a straight-up heartland prince with a James Dean-esque rebellious streak.

Yet privately, he is, in reality, a fairly narcissistic blowhard with a penchant for largesse and a taste for the luxurious - which is in direct odds with his carefully crafted aw-shucks “Bulworth with nicotine-stained fingers and a permanent seat at the soda counter” mystique.

When all’s said and done, and we’re through looking at his above-average painting skills and impressively virile hairline, he’s just another one of those aging, coke-ravaged rock stars (like The Eagles, Fleetwood Mac and others) who came to the sad and opportunistic conclusion that if their devoted fans were increasingly willing to pay scalpers exorbitant prices for tickets to their shows, then they (the artists) should be receiving that money themselves.

So they jacked up their minimum performance guarantees to automatically force the promoters who take the risk on presenting their concerts to raise the ticket prices as high as they can possibly imagine, passing that artificially inflated cost on to the fans.

It’s just lame. And, as Bill Dawers hints at, shows The Coug’s true colors when it comes to caring for the folks who have kept him in the finer things for decades now.

Contrast that with folks like Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, the Pixies and Pearl Jam (among others) who could EASILY gouge their diehard, ceaselessly loyal followers for tons of money at the box office, but instead routinely spend their time and cash trying to come up with creative ways to both thwart the scalping industry and give their most ardent fans access to the best seats at reasonable prices.

For example, Pixies fans who’d signed up for free e-mail alerts about their concerts received a special message a few weeks ago telling them that in the next minute or so, there would be an advance pre-sale of the closest and “best” seats at every single one of the dates on their upcoming fall tour in celebration of their bestselling, landmark LP Doolittle (listen to a recent recording of the band playing that entire AMAZING album [plus all the B-sides and outtakes from its original recording sessions] live on stage in Brussells HERE).

Essentially, rather than scattering decent, earmarked seats throughout the crowd (as most artist’s fan-club pre-sales do), the Pixies merely designated the orchestra pits directly in front of the stage as reserved for their motivated fans, and offered those great seats on a first-come, first-served basis, doled out in the order in which the tickets were sold through their own private online server.

The seats cost no more than any other top-tier seats, and they must be picked up at the venue by showing ID which matches the credit card order, thus making scalping extremely difficult and laborious. They also printed up a limited-edition T-shirt that will not be for sale anywhere, and one of those will be given out free at the box office with each of these special pre-sale orders.

Cool, huh?

Yep. But it takes, nerve, money, time and a strong desire to do something polite and appreciative for your fans.

Plus, dropping this opportunity on your e-mail list with no real warning makes it something of a fun proposition to try and grab a killer seat and a special shirt on the fly before they’re all gone.

If you aren’t quick enough, at least you didn’t sit around waiting for days or hours for that moment when the floodgates opened, only to learn you’d been instantly scooped by sleazy scalpers with automatic ordering software or indecisive goofballs standing ahead of you in line who take up valuable time scrutinizing seating charts like they’re donut varieties at Krispy Kreme while the most desirable seats are sold off in a flash before you even get to the window. 

Now, in all fairness, Little Johnny Cougar offers something similar to his fans, which he calls a “VIP Package.”

However, it’s different in one key respect: Um, it’s like, bullshit and stuff.

When it comes to the Pixies, the mere act of signing up on their free mailing list gets you a the opportunity to get the closest seats in the house and a free, exclusive T-shirt a week before the rest of the seats even go on sale to the general public.

According to Mr. “I was born in a smalltown,” for the ridiculous price of… wait for it… $250, you get the following:

One reserved ticket located in the first 10 rows of the stage • Exclusive John Mellencamp Concert shirt • Collectible tour poster (limited, Numbered) • Limited vinyl copy of John Mellencamp’s new album No Better Than This • Commemorative Tour Laminate

Now, the seat and the shirt are roughly equal to what the Pixies offer. The tour poster is arguably worth about $15 tops. The same vinyl copy of his new album can be ordered brand-new through Amazon.com for $16, and the “Commemorative Tour Laminate” is a piece of plastic-covered paper worth roughly three bucks whose value will not increase and will not be considered a serious collectible by anyone who knows about such things.

So really, the only thing the extra $125 gets you (because, yes, the standard price for seats nearest to the stage at this show is $125 to begin with - before adding in service fees!) is a snicker from The Coug and a glimmer in the eye of his accountant.

I’m pretty sure in this case, VIP stands for Very Ignorant Patsy.

It’s worth mentioning at this point that many are assuming this extension of his already lengthy tour for the No Better Than This LP is something of an “Alimony Tour” designed to rake in as much of a payday as humanly possible to hand directly to his newly divorced ex-wife (it appears he was cheating on her with actress Meg Ryan).

When it comes to cats like Dylan, Waits and the handful of others who really do make sincere efforts to keep their prices somewhere South of outrageous while making the experience of purchasing tickets to see them even slightly fun, I don’t mind spending my hard-won money on their appearances, because they show by their actions that they are cognizant of and care for the needs of their audience, and especially their devoted supporters.

Earlier today, a Norwegian gentleman who is a mild acquaintance of mine posted the following on his website, and I thought it was worth sharing, for anyone who may care. I am responsible for the emphasis added through the use of boldface and italics.

———————————————————————————————

“The attack at Utøya was an attack on Norway’s future. This island has been the site of yearly political summer camps for socialist youth from all over the country for decades. Half of our Prime Ministers since WWII got part of their political schooling there. 

Among the kids that were killed or survived the attack many were and are likely to become future leaders of our country. What they went through yesterday will be a backdrop to the rest of their lives and political careers. This experience will color politics in Norway for decades to come. 

Had the perpetrator turned out to be a foreign fundamentalist group, the risk of a wave of hate would have been even greater. 

It is now important that we find a way to react that can preserve our principles of democracy, openness and freedom, and refuse to let this turn us on the road to becoming a police state. All signs indicate that we will be able to build on our strengths and continue developing our democracy, humanism and multiculturalism.”

In case you were not aware, for several months now, many foodies in Savannah have been openly questioning why there are virtually no mobile restaurants (or “Food Trucks”) in our fair city.

A significant segment of those who’ve raised this issue seem to be either transplants from other locales who -upon settling here in town- immediately missed a popular, affordable, fun (and increasingly trendy) dining option they’d come to savor, and which to many serves as a hallmark of a vibrant community. Yet, there are plenty of people who’ve lived here for ages, or perhaps all their lives, who’ve enjoyed sampling the wares of mobile restaurants while traveling. They too, have questioned the conspicuous absence of Food Trucks/Carts in our neck of the woods.

Prodded by a few public forums hosted by the Creative Coast Initiative, egged on by Facebook threads and area blogger types and subsequently featured in a few Savannah Morning News articles, proponents of this movement have learned that a combination of restrictive health code and business licensing regulations (which many view as hopelessly antiquated and needlessly complex) make it virtually impossible -or at least insanely cost-prohibitive- to legally operate such a venture within the city limits.

Adding to these roadblocks are some elements of the local restaurant community, who are openly and resolutely opposed to the city modifying its rules so as to make it even a little bit easier for folks who lack the funds or desire for running a full-on, stationary, indoor restaurant -but have a strong wish (and perhaps oodles of talent and/or experience in the kitchen)- to open their own eatery-on-wheels.

I’m sorry to say, but whether they are aware or not, that particular position paints them as more petty than principled and more interested in protectionism than fair play. This economy sucks, to be sure, but crying poor and insinuating that allowing street vendors to offer what would likely wind up being specialized types of inexpensive finger foods would be some sort of death blow to their livelihoods comes off as little more than the kind of sour grapes that makes someone like me less likely to patronize their joints, no matter how tasty their wares.

Which is all to say that I was very surprised to see my dear friend Jim Morekis (who I heaped well-deserved praise upon last night at my film society’s Lucas Theatre screening of THE BIG UNEASY for his spot-on grasping of the similarities between New Orleans and Savannah and how our city might not only emulate some of the better points of that fabled mecca but learn some valuable lessons in how to avoid its pitfalls as well) give Savannah’s growing demand for Food Trucks a big ol’ Heisman in a recent Facebook post. 

His position is that the Food Truck buzz is another example of folks trying to turn “little ol’ Savannah” into “Portland or Austin.”

Now, he and I generally agree on an awful lot with regards to the direction Savannah could or should be headed in, and it’s well documented that I am a fan of Savannah becoming a better version of itself, rather than merely a copycat of (insert whatever other city’s got the most hipster buzz at the moment). But I think there’s plenty of room here for the kind of variety and vibrancy that well-regulated street food vendors could bring - and I don’t think that allowing such a thing to exist is inherently against the grain of what Savannah has always been about.

Quite the contrary: I think it’s in the general spirit of what kept me here in the first place. The only thing that makes Food Trucks seem out of place in Savannah is their longstanding and unenlightened banning via our city’s often notoriously out-of-touch zoning and licensing regulations.

While the Downtown Business Association is NOT against the idea of legalizing Food Trucks/Carts, based on conversations I’ve had and online chatter, some citizens seem to automatically assume that many or most downtown restaurant owners themselves might be against such a thing.

On its face, that might make some kind of sense. However, to see the ridiculousness of such a position, try looking at it this way: B&D Burgers just announced plans to open a second downtown location just a few blocks from their existing one, which will be just a block away from Five Guys Burgers & Fries, and a three minute drive from the Crystal Beer Parlor. Do you think the CBP or Five Guys feel that it should be ILLEGAL for B&D (or any other new burger joint, for that matter) to open up in the downtown area?

Of course not. 

So why should it be any different for a legally licensed and inspected Food Truck which might sell burgers to do the same thing? As long as the operators qualify for a business license, pay taxes and obey health code restrictions, what is the difference that so incenses local brick-and-mortar restaurateurs?

Answer: their overhead.

The implication is that Food Trucks/Carts have an unfair advantage over sit-down establishments because the mobile entrepreneurs would not be paying as much in rent or having to install some giant hood system or other typical kitchen accoutrements. However, they also would not be able to benefit from the myriad of ancillary revenue streams that usually come along with an indoor sit-down establishment, such as: more extensive menus, high profit-margin alcohol sales, tons of storage space for ingredients and supplies, the ability to be open even in inclement weather, the perception by many potential customers of being more sanitary and/or professional, the ability to offer live entertainment, TVs, etc…

If downtown restaurants (or those in any other part of town, for that matter) feel that legally licensed and regulated Food Trucks would unfairly compete with them, then they should invest in their own Food Trucks and market themselves in a similar manner to the same customer base. Otherwise, they should avoid risking the appearance of pettiness and greed and refocus their efforts at keeping their own existing eateries open and profitable.

My views on this may seem overly simplistic, but since others are chiming in, here they be:

1. Some local commentators on Facebook have espoused that there is no reason to open the streets to food vendors when there are a handful of empty storefronts downtown which are currently set up and zoned as restaurants - the implication being that as long as there is not enough demand to fill those spaces with functioning eateries, there will either not be enough demand to keep Food Trucks afloat, or, that times are so tough that the mere existence of Food Trucks will drive other downtown restaurants out of business.

From where I sit, these notions are plumb silly.

The main reason there are vacant spaces on Broughton St. and elsewhere downtown has virtually NOTHING to do with a dearth of enthusiastic would-be restaurant owners. It’s the overpriced rents which have not come down as the economy has tanked. That’s the fault of the landlords. I’ve met many people with the desire to open their own eateries. Between the banks not lending money to start-ups (and even those with solid track records) and the out-of-touch property values, they simply cannot afford to try downtown. However, many of them COULD afford a Food Truck situation - which might one day lead to a stationary restaurant, or not, as that simply may not be the long-term goal of many of these entrepreneurs.

2. Another point that has been made in online discussions is that until Savannah can get its act together in terms of how it deals legally with existing restaurants, then it is foolish to allow an entirely new category of eateries to exist.

Now, of course the city’s onerous, screwed-up, regressive and byzantine health inspection and licensing ordinances are a big problem, but to argue that a new type of mobile restaurant should continue to be outlawed (when it is increasingly becoming the norm in other high-profile cities) just because traditional brick-and-mortar eateries have to put up with an obstacle course makes no sense at all.

If someone wants to put up with a different type of frustrating obstacle course to open a Food Truck, let them.

Plus, if we sat around and waited on existing Savannah business licensing laws and ordinances to be corrected/modernized/enlightened before we allowed new types of businesses to exist, we might as well swallow a handful of sleeping pills right now.

3. Some folks are discounting the whole Food Truck momentum because they view it as a sort of fad. However, just because something is gaining popularity and getting a lot of national press (read: becoming “trendy”) does not inherently mean it is a bad development. On the contrary, plenty of things become a trend precisely because they are both welcome and timely. The current economic conditions have forced so many people out of work - many of whom are excellent cooks who have always dreamed of running their own restaurant. The lower start-up cost of a Food Truck or Cart may be just within their reach and allow them to create a new future for themselves on a budget, while offering a unique dining option to both locals and tourists.

4. While downtown restaurants are the ones voicing the most concern about street vendors (some make very valid points about the Historic Squares not becoming filled with such operations, as they’re already crammed with parked cars, pedestrians, tour buses and horse-drawn carriages - and for that reason, common-sense limitations on placement in those areas would be required), I have a feeling that Food Trucks would actually thrive most in areas far from downtown. Everything does not revolve around downtown, and the voices of those who live and work in other neighborhoods should not be discounted in this discussion.

5. The overwhelming majority of existing restaurants in Savannah are mediocre to disappointing, and/or overpriced, with embarrassingly poor service. Yet, unless someone calls you a foul name or spits in your food it’s virtually impossible to get bad service at a Food Truck, as there’s very little actual “service” required. You tell them what you’d like and they make it right away and hand it to you. Then you leave. No muss, no fuss, no compelling reason to tip unduly (or at all) and hardly any opportunities for upset.

6. Food Trucks/Carts are traditionally geared toward specialty foods and limited menus, which often is the kiss of death for a brick-and-mortar establishment. It’s incredibly difficult to keep such a place open when one factors in rent, utilities, advertising, HVAC, wait staff, workman’s comp., etc… So, the odds are that most Food Trucks which would spring up will be offering something a bit (or perhaps quite) different from the culinary choices already found in town. In most cities, they become a haven for fans of adventurous cuisine and offer ethnic dishes not easily found in traditional, sit-down restaurants. Thus, the majority of these Trucks will likely NOT be in DIRECT competition with existing businesses.

Rather, this is all about generating MORE choices and EMPOWERING cooks and entrepreneurs who lack the finances or acumen to effectively open a brick-and-mortar location in Savannah to find a way in which to ply their wares and hopefully prosper.

Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

Check this shit out: I thought WESLEY WILLIS died years ago.

Turns out, he changed his name to HERMAN CAIN and decided to use a fake Presidential Campaign to hype his new gospel CD Sunday Morning!

It was released today, and features the “all instruments simulated badly by a Casio keyboard” sound and crap-tastic vocal stylings we’d expect from Wesley.

Dig the blistering “guitar” that opens track 3 of the album right here - and just wait till you hear the “solo.”

BADDASS, huh?.

Let’s get this guy to Washington, D.C. stat to butt some congressional heads just like he did to that punk Batman.

Rock On London! Rock On White House! Godfather’s Pizza - the breakfast of champions!

The folks over at the Creative Coast Initiative were kind enough to invite me to write a guest blog for their ongoing series of columns by local pontificators.

I applaud them opening up their site to such a wide array of personal opinions and outlooks, and was honored to take part.

My submission went online today and can be read (and commented on) here, although I also welcome comments below as well.

Thanks in advance for any feedback you may have.